The Single Most Frustrating Thing About Parkinson’s
It is the single most frustrating thing about my current state in Parkinson’s disease progression.
It’s not the hallucinations. I can deal with the occasional hallucination (or, “illlluuuuuuuuuusion” as my neuro doc calls them). I had another auditory hallucination yesterday. This would be the second such. The first is documented here. Yesterday afternoon, while seated at this very computer, I heard a rather loud “MEOW!” coming from the living room. The TV was on, but it was Andrea Mitchell talking to somebody about something, and she RARELY meows on her show. I looked at my two dogs. Certainly THEY would have been alerted by such a loud meow. They both laid there, sleeping. But I HEARD a LOUD MEOW! So, we chalk it up to auditory hallucinations.
It’s not the walking, the freezing or the balance problems. I’m used to that now. I know how to get myself free when I freeze. I know to try to keep my center of gravity balanced at all times. I refrain from doing things that will cause me to tip over.
It’s not the slowness. I’m in no hurry to get anywhere… although it is a hassle when a sudden “potty emergency” comes on and I have to make my slow way down the hallway to the bathroom while the urgency grows. But that’s what the “Depends” are for.
It’s not even the onset of dementia. It’s frustrating not being able to figure things out sometimes and lacking focus and not being as quick on the uptake. But I figure when it fully sets in, it’ll be everyone ELSE’s problem… not mine. 🙂
No, the single most frustrating thing about where I am in my Parkinson’s progression is the WAY IT’S MESSING WITH MY TALKING! It’s not the typical whispery, throaty, hoarse PD kind of speech. It’s just that I’ve got a case of the “yibble bibbles!”
Just now, for instance.
Gail said she was going to try to tackle cleaning TJ’s office today.
What I wanted to say was, “Feeling energetic today?”
What came out was, “Feel.. feel… feel…um… feeling…”
Gail finished my sentence for me. “Energetic? Not really. But it has to get done.”
I started saying something else, I don’t even remember what it was, but it was all garbled and nonsensical so I put my face in my hands and moaned. “JEEEEEEESUS, I hate this!” (That part came out quite clearly.)
For someone who has made a living with his voice, with his ability to be witty and humorous and snarky off the cuff, this inability at times to express myself is particularly frustrating. I don’t even like talking on the phone any more because of it.
Maybe if I start walking around with a blue jacket, red bow tie and no pants, I can just tell people I’m doing a Porky Pig impression. Then we’ll blame it in the dementia.
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