My World of Parkinsonian Delights

Radio Host Claims Obama Caused Man's Heart Attack

(Special from the Kalamazoo Republican-Libertarian/Freedom Defender Online Edition) — A Kalamazoo man was in critical condition this morning after suffering a heart attack yesterday during a 24-minute speech by President Obama at a high school commencement.

Although the cause of the man’s cardiac arrest was not made public and little is being said about his condition, Kalamazoo talk radio host Justin A. Merican (pictured above) said it was only a matter of time before Obama’s bottled up rage wound up killing a guy.

The conservative morning talk show host at K-ZOO Radio (AM 1740) in Kalamazoo claimed to be in attendance at the commencement.

“It was about 15 minutes into the speech, and through the teleprompter I could see a green glow in Obama’s eyes,” Merican said.  “Suddenly, like a laser beam, twin bolts shot from his eyes and struck that poor booger in the chest.  He went down like a sack of bricks.  Obama kept right on talking, as if he hadn’t just killed a guy.”

Merican said it had to be the rage Obama was holding inside himself over the Gulf oil spill that led to the bolts that shot from his eyes.

“A man can only hold so much anger without he does something nuts,” Merican told his audience on his “My Fellow Mericans” program this morning.  “And we don’t know where Obama even COMES from, so as far as we know he ain’t even from EARTH!  Who knows what other powers he has that he could use to enslave us all.”

Merican capped his remarks by playing a recording of John Wayne reciting the Pledge of Allegiance and telling his listeners to be on guard.  “And don’t never make no eye contact with him,” he said of the president.

When told that no one else in the auditorium reported seeing the “twin bolts of heart-stopping death” that he claimed to have seen shoot from Obama’s eyes, Merican first blamed “the lame-stream media” and then said, “Well, maybe I was the only one that was looking at the moment.  But I seen it.  I sure as Jesus did!”

Merican promised to reveal “other things” he saw but can’t talk about on the radio for fear of being shut down by the “Fascist Control Commissariat” (his nickname for the FCC) when he addresses the Greater Kalamazoo Tea Party and Anti Taxes for ANYTHING Society on Saturday, June 12.

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