Failing to Show Appropriate Rage
President Obama Fails to Show Appropriate Rage During Beatle Visit
June 3, 2010 — Once again, President Obama refused to display the appropriate amount of rage after listening to popular music with one of those shaggy-haired hippies who, in an attempt to curry favor with the President, wrote and sang a song about the President’s wife. Obama displayed his legendary cool head over the ex-Beatle’s obvious attempted seduction of his wife and took Sir Paul McCartney aside for a private chat. Is there ANYTHING that this milquetoast WILL get “enraged” about?
Oh, wait. The president IS royally pissed about the oil spill. He said so to famed TV corpse Larry King in an interview to be aired tonight.
President Barack Obama told CNN’s Larry King on Thursday that he is furious about the Gulf of Mexico oil spill, but his job is to fix things instead of just yelling at people.
He said that if BP doesn’t get its act together and quick, he’s gonna PINCH someone. Then he pulled the comatose TV host’s suspenders way out from his chest and let them snap back painfully. This restarted King’s heart, saving his life as he had apparently been clinically dead for the previous two minutes according to CNN technicians charged with monitoring his EKG on a 24/7 basis.
BP Gets a $69 Million Bill from the White House
CNN reports that the Obama administration has sent a $69 million bill to BP for recovery efforts of the company’s oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.
The bill was sent to “other responsible parties” in addition to BP, and the Obama administration will bill BP regularly for costs related to the spill, the Deepwater Incident Joint Information Center said Thursday in a statement.
“As a responsible party, BP is financially responsible for all costs associated with the response to the spill,” the center said.
At today’s press briefing, Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said that if BP doesn’t do the responsible thing, President Obama will go to their headquarters, mutate into a green-skinned monster and cause mayhem. “Obama MAD,” Gibbs said. “Obama SMASH!”
What Do Potato Chips and Murdering Pretty Girls Have in Common?
You just can’t stop at one! The guy cops think killed pretty white girl Natalee Holloway was arrested in Chile on suspicion of killing another pretty white girl, a Peruvian this time. Joran Vanderslappen (or whatever the hell his name is) was picked up by Chilean cops while in a taxi. He apparently disguised himself by cutting his hair real short.
“We are disappointed that Joran has been able to do this to another young girl,” Paul Reynolds told CNN, provoking right wing pundits to criticize Reynolds’ inability to show the proper amount of rage and ask, “Who the hell is Paul Reynolds”?
WTF ARE THEY THINKING AT THE COMMISH’S OFFICE???
The dude was clearly out by a step, and the umpire called him safe, costing Armando Galarraga a perfect game. But impotent MLB Commissioner Bud Selig, the impotent former owner of the equally impotent Milwaukee Brewers, shrugged his shoulders and said, “Meh! That’s how the ball bounces,” when asked if he would overrule this horribly, horribly botched call that sent the ordinarily cheerful and upbeat city Detroit into a psychological downward spiral from which it may never recover, no matter HOW much of your taxpayer money is thrown at it. The umpire blubbered and apologized, the pitcher was gracious in his post-rape press conference (prompting Conservative Pundits to criticize Galarraga for failing to show the appropriate amount of rage), and the mayor of Detroit (not the one in jail, but the one who isn’t) indicated support for Gov. Jennifer Granholm’s proclamation that basically said, “Fuck the dipshit ump. The dude was out. Perfect game. Because I said so. And I’m a fuckin’ GOVERNOR, for chrissakes!”
Obama Fails to Show Proper Amount of Rage During Arizona Governor’s Visit
In a meeting described as “cordial”, President Obama sat down for a chat with Arizona Governor Jan “Round Up the Brown People” Brewer.
Brewer said Obama agreed to send staffers to Arizona “in a couple of weeks” to discuss using federal resources to tighten the border, including the allocation of 1,200 National Guard troops and $500 million.
“He assured us that the majority of those resources would be coming to Arizona,” Brewer said.
Brewer also said she personally looks forward to President Obama setting foot on Arizona soil someday so she can personally show him how the new law works.
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