My World of Parkinsonian Delights

Teabagger Speech Transcript: Edited for the Dog-Whistle Impaired

If conservatives said what was really on their minds, even in front of other like-minded people, they would be shouted down by rational independents as racist.  Therefore, they speak in code.  They use words that act as a “dog whistle” that racists can hear loud and clear.  They don’t cross the line into overt racism, but the racists (wink, wink!) know what they mean.

Here is such a speech, edited for those who cannot hear the dog whistle.  Sen. Jim DeMint (R-SC) gave a speech at the recent CPAC convention.  There were dog whistles a-PLENTY!

The Speech:

Three years of a Democrat majority and just one year of President Obama have awakened Americans and led millions to become more passionate advocates for freedom.

(TRANSLATION:  That black guy has been in office a WHOLE YEAR now.  Can you BELIEVE it???  Yup.  Scares the hell out of ME, too!  That shit just ain’t RIGHT!)

This has created a wave of new Republicans who are embracing the energy and passion of the American people.

(And believe you, me!  Republicans don’t hold the corner on racism.  Independent and Democrat racists are embracing our point-of-view as well!  They don’t much care for that Indo-Kenyan jigaboo tellin’ THEM what to do, neither!)

The Democrats’ arrogance and audacious power grabs have made Americans stand up and say, “Enough is enough.”

(Now that they got ACORN to steal an election for them instead of doing things the American way, and by that I mean having a stacked Supreme Court decide it, Democrats have felt emboldened to use the same legislative tricks that Republicans used the entire time THEY were in power.  And we say, “Enough is enough!”  When WE did it it was for YOU!  When THEY do it, it’s for… THEM!  And you know who and WHAT I mean by… “THEM!”)

We now see all too clearly that the hope and change the Democrats had in mind was nothing more than a retread of the failed and discredited socialist policies that have been the enemy of freedom for centuries all over the world.

(We see now that what the Democrats REALLY want is to give stuff YOU already ENJOY to people who don’t DESERVE it!  Just think of all those n—-rs and all them other dark-skinned folks what don’t even speak ENGLISH good, sittin’ around, eatin’ their watermelons or tacos, waitin’ for that monthly check that Obama wants to send ’em while YOU have to WORK for every little million-dollar bonus you GET!)

And now that the Democrat’s goals are glaringly obvious, the battle is between the American people and the Democrats … and I like those odds!

(It’s fun to play “pretend.”  Isn’t it?)

Americans have been stunned by the fact that in the world’s greatest bastion of freedom, our government now owns the largest auto companies, the largest mortgage company, and the largest insurance company.

(All of which was made necessary, of course, by the impending global economic collapse caused by the former Republican president and the former Republican led House and Senate.  We crapped all over the rug, and they are — gasp! — spending MONEY to CLEAN OUR MESS!  But is that YOUR problem?  Most of you are already wealthy or retired!  Would YOU give a rat’s ass if the entire economy went belly up?)

It controls our schools and is trying to take over our healthcare system.

(If we only put the schools in the hands of right wing Christian churches, like the founders wanted, everything would be OK.  But they want the same people who run the DMV and Medicare and Social Security and Veteran’s Health and every OTHER thing you would kill me if I took away from you to LOWER your HEALTH CARE COSTS!)

The federal government is assaulting almost every sector of our free market economy.

(Thereby ensuring that the economy survives.  But they’re using YOUR money to DO it!  And like I said, you know who GETS a lot of that money?  “THEM!”)

At a time when I fear America is teetering towards tyranny, I was thrilled to hear that CPAC adopted the theme of saving freedom for this year’s meeting.

(Cuz EVERYONE likes FREEDOM!  Even those who don’t deserve it but got it anyway thanks to that traitor Abe Lincoln.)

Saving freedom is something I’ve been thinking about a lot.  I published a book last year and titled it “Saving Freedom” because the danger of losing freedom is no longer theoretical … it is very real.

(And by “Freedom”, I mean the freedom of the wealthy to grow their wealth at the expense of the public at large.)

I wanted to remind people that our country has been the most prosperous nation in history and exceptional in so many ways because our economy, culture and government were built on principles of freedom that were unique in the entire world.   An understanding of America’s history will confirm that good government policy is always based on proven principles, and proven principles are derived from constructive values, and constructive values are founded on Judeo/Christian convictions.

(But not so much the “Judeo” part.)

If we remove the foundation for our principles and policies, America will fall.  Those principles were written into a contract with the American people that promised to limit the federal government’s power.  We call that contract the Constitution and, when it was signed, it didn’t even allow a federal income tax — that sounds like a good way to limit the size of the federal government to me.

(It also sounds like a good way to scrap some of those socialist programs like Medicare and Social Security that so many of you white-haired fogies would rip me to pieces over if I actually SAID that.)


Real freedom includes the right to succeed, to build a large business and to make lots of money.   It also includes the freedom for mismanaged and insolvent institutions to fail.

(And the resulting hundreds of thousands and millions of people who lose their jobs, are forced out of their homes, lose their health care and would now be living on the street… is that really YOUR problem?  You’ve GOT what you got!  The rest of them can SUCK it!  As long as we can fund police and prisons to force these people out of your way as you drive to the fur store to get a nice mink to go with that diamond necklace hubby bought you with this year’s bonus, it just ain’t YOUR PROBLEM!)

Despite the clarion call for freedom from the American people, there is still a struggle within the Republican Party about who we are and what we stand for.

(Yes, there are Republicans — a few — who think we are batshit crazy.  THEY can suck it, TOO!)


That’s why I, along with several other Republican Senators, introduced a budget reform proposal a few weeks ago.  This proposal would put a one-year moratorium on earmarks and require Congress to balance the federal budget.

(Of course we voted against a bill that would require congress to fund projects it legislates, “Pay Go” they called it.  But it was THEIR idea, not OURS.  So screw ’em!)


Folks – with our country drowning in debt – if we can’t give up pork for one year and won’t even try to balance the budget now, there’s no reason to think we will do it tomorrow.

(As proven by the fact that we Republicans took a budget surplus, ran up a deficit and nearly bankrupted the economies of the entire free world!  But who you gonna trust to FIX a problem?  The people who CREATED it and thereby know what they did wrong?  Or that uppity n—-r and his Jew assistants who want to take your money and give it to unwed Mexican mothers to get abortions?)


Now let’s talk a minute about the Presidential race in 2012. I hope Americans will expect more from their next president than a great speech.    You can’t govern from a teleprompter.  Just because you are good on TV doesn’t mean you can sell socialism to freedom-loving Americans.

(See, that’s what we’re going with.  The n—-r cleans up good and talks pretty, but he reads his speeches from a teleprompter instead of from scribbled notes on the palm of his hand.  Is THAT what you want in a President?  Just because Nixon used teleprompters and Reagan used teleprompters and both Bushes used teleprompters mean that we should just SIT here when this uppity n—-r PREACHES to us from a — gasp! — TELEPROMPTER?)

We need a leader who will remind Americans how we became the greatest nation in history and what we need to do to make sure we’re still the greatest nation in the future.    This will require telling Americans the cold, hard truth … which is … if America is going to survive and thrive in the future, the federal government must do less, not more.

(That worked our real well for Somalia, after all.  Small, almost non-existent central government.  Wealthy warlords running the rest of the country.  Might makes right, and the powerful get the gold!  Somalia is the Teabagger’s DREAM society!  ‘Cept for all them n—-rs, that is.)

No more false hope and empty promises based on more failed government solutions.

(Like Medicare, and Social Security, which you all love and enjoy.)

We need to get back to the basics.  That means no more bailouts.  That means we will not spend money we don’t have.

(Let the pink slips fall where they may!)

It means we won’t throw out the faith of our Founding Fathers.

(Except for that “Judeo” part…)

And it definitely means we won’t give away our precious Constitutional rights to foreign terrorists who want to destroy us!

(But enough about Obama…)

America’s future will be brighter than our past if politicians have the courage to stop using other people’s money to impose their good intentions on others…

(The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  So is the road to health, prosperity for all, social justice and the sharing of responsibility for the care of all Americans.  And what good would THAT do for folks like US here at CPAC?)

… and if they have the courage to restrict the federal government to only those things that it has to do — like defend our nation, create a predictable, low-tax business environment, and keep our promises to seniors and veterans.

(Oh, we LOVE us some deficit spending as long as it goes to Blackwater and their no-bid contracts!  And as far as keeping our promises to veterans, we’ll be glad to do that as long as they don’t mind rotting away in vermin-infested rat holes.)

Then — for those things that don’t have to be done at the federal level – we should return power and money to the people and the states.

(Because if you let former slave states like mine decide social policy, you can TRUST them to do the right thing.  Anyone remember “poll taxes” and “Jim Crow” and women being killed by back-alley abortions?  THOSE were the days!)


I have taken many positions that have offended the President, the Democrat leadership, the union bosses, the plaintiff’s bar, Move On.Org, the liberal media and even some of my Republican colleagues.

(Oh, and common sense.  And decency.  I’ve offended THAT, too!!)

Frankly, sometimes I feel like I’m trying to hold back the tide, and the constant fighting can be tiresome.  If I couldn’t come here every year and plug into the CPAC renewable energy source, I wouldn’t have the strength to even show up at Waterloo, much less win the battle.  Thank you!

See?  It’s easy if you know what to listen for.

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